The best Christmas special ever.
December 11th 2005
Chris caught the weirdest Christmas special yesterday while I was cooking supper. Over supper he told me about it.
Chris: It’s like the Justice League Christmas Special.
Kate: What? What was it about?
Chris: It was how the justice league spent Christmas.
Kate: Who was first?
Chris: There were three plotlines…
Plot one: The Flash is with some orphans that wanted the big hot toy for the year, you know the thing that sold out every year and so he didn’t want to diappoint them by not getting it, so he went to go buy it at all the stores in town. But they were sold out! So he uses his super speed and goes to the factory in Japan and gets the very last one. Then he goes back, and on his way back he sees a problem at the museum. Some bad guy is destroying the museum! He’s a giant brain and looks like a monkey. He’s more civilised than most people. He was destroying the museum because it wasn’t civilised enough. During the fight, the toy gets broken. Then the Flash cries to the bad guy that how can he claim to be civilised and how could he ruin Christmas for the poor orphans. Then the monkey guy knocks out the Flash! When the Flash comes to, the monkey guy is repairing the toy in his secret lair. Then they take it to the orphans…together! (Then the Flash takes the Monkey Man to jail, but thanks him by putting a Christmas tree in his jail cell).
Plot two: Superman goes home for the holidays, and takes the guy who can change shapes with him. The Shapeshifter doesn’t think he belongs anywhere, so is bummed out about Christmas. Superman tries to cheat and see his presents with his X-ray vision. But Superman’s mum used lead wrapping paper! Superman’s mother gives the shapeshifter a yellow sweater with a red stripe, and he puts it on over his superhero costume. Then the shapeshifter goes for a walk around town, and hears a kid saying “I hope Santa eats my cookies!” so the shapeshifter goes and steals the cookies. He stomps around on the roof over the kid’s head and then puts his extended arm down the chimney and steals the cookies. Eventually the shapeshifter finds peace. On Christmas morning he sits, singing, in his room at Clark Kent’s house by himself.
Plot three (Chris thought this one was freaking awesome so saved it for last): The Green Lantern and the Hawk woman. The Green Lantern wants to show the Hawk Woman a festive occasion, so he tries to start a snowball fight. She thinks it’s lame. So, he says “So what do you think is fun?” and she says the best way to celebrate is to go to this bar on some planet (Omicron Delta I think). So the Green Lantern uses his ring and they fly to that bar. They order drinks with worms in them. Then she provokes a bar brawl, by taking her mace and smashing the hand of a rock/rhinocerous guy, and then putting the mace in Green Lantern’s hand (bitch). So the rhinocerous guy starts fighting the Green Lantern and the other patrons pile on. The Hawk Lady starts fighting too. The Green Lantern has many one liners, usually something like “I can’t believe you do this for fun!” At the end, they are all passed out on the floor, except for the Hawk Lady. The Green Lantern is unconscious in the arms of the rock guy. The Hawk Lady says “Thank you, Merry Christmas!” and kisses the Green Lantern.
I am sorry I missed it!